Helpfully, in a related article, the site warns:

Remember to SHOWER EVERY DAY and CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES at least once a day. I know there's a lot going on [at] the convention, but that's no reason to ignore personal hygiene.

In the end, though, you can't help but fall under the charming spell of the Legion of Superheroes drinking games included on this site, wherein players are instructed to "[drink once ifŠ] someone misspells Ayla, Luornu, Imra, Cargg, Bgztl, or Shvaughn. Twice if someone mispronounces Ayla." Give in. Don't even try to resist the simple enchantments of the "Test your Tyroc IQ" game, the helpful guide to the "real" ages of Legion of Superheroes members, and the self-described "Anal Retentive Mike Grell Checklist" (a project future art historians will doubtless thank us for). As an anonymous comment in the site's guest book says, "you PEOPLE ARE PRETTY SCREWED UP BUT ITS KINDA COOL."

4) THE DEFINITIVE X-MEN EROTICA ARCHIVE
http://members.tripod.com/~sneal_/

and

WONDER WOMAN AND FRIENDS
http://www.thevalkyrie.com/stories/wonder/wonder.htm

This page has been created for a select group of comic fans. We are the ones who don't only want to see our heroes fight. We also want to see them love and also have sex.Š Fortunately this site will fill that void.

Fortunately, indeed. These two unaffiliated sites are good examples of the vibrant "fan fiction" community which thrives like a termite colony on the creaky timbers of the Internet. Everyday people from all walks of life (presumably) log on to the Net and, like Superman walking into a phone booth, instantly transform into full-fledged comic book authors, whose texts are read, in-kind, by other Net citizens! These two examples boast the added bonus of orgasmic intent, which renders the whole process all the more amusing for the casual observer.

Here's the opening paragraph from an offering on the X-Men site entitled, seductively, "My Night With Spider-Man:"

After defeating the vampire Michael Morbious [sic], Spidey thanked the X-Men for their help in stopping them [sic]. He then put a surprising french-kiss on Jean Grey in a joking manner. This, of course, didn't set too well with Cyclops but he let it slide since it was in good humor. Jean, however, was actually turned on by the brazen act and wondered what else lied [sic] behind the mask.

And I'm sorry to say, in the interests of protecting minors, I'll have to leave you wondering.

The Wonder Woman site is less playful, alas. The authors represented there seem to uniformly have it in for this raven-tressed symbol of feminine power, as evidenced in such stories as: "The Crushing of Wonder Woman," "The Capture of Wonder Woman," "The Domination of Wonder Woman," "The Taming of Wonder Woman," and "Wonder Woman in Slave Training." (Perhaps these titles help explain the failure of the Equal Rights Amendment?) Not all are so gruesome, though; an unbiased observer would have to admit there's a certain happy ring to the title "Wonder Woman's Pregnant Adventure."

Finally, I should warn the potential visitor to such fan fiction sites of a darker side: their placid, utopian facades can be regrettably disrupted by human, decidedly un-superheroic, conflict from time to time. Fortunately, a well-timed verbal retort from the Webmaster can usually quell such unruliness:

THIS MESSAGE GOES OUT THE VISITOR WHO KEEPS FILLING OUT THE SURVEY AND WANTS TO SEE SELENE AND THE HELFIRE[sic] CLUB [get it on]. STOP! YOU HAVE SENT THE SAME ANNONIMOUS[sic] SURVEY WITH ONE OR TWO WORD VARIATIONS MORE THEN 6 TIMES! I CREATED THE SURVEY TO LET READERS EXPRESS THEIR OPPINIONS [sic]. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I WANT YOUR OPINION HALF A DOZEN TIMES! GET IT? IT'S REALLY SIMPLE. STOP!

CATHERINE YRONWODE'S LUCKY MOJO
http://www.luckymojo.com/

I fear for my own "mojo," lest I be careless in describing this site, but proceed I must. Catherine "cat" Yronwode (her name usually printed entirely in lower-case letters, after the manner of the somewhat less comics-accomplished e.e. cummings), was the famous editor-in-chief of Eclipse Comics, a long-disintegrated independent comics concern. But she may be best remembered by comics fans for her seemingly omnipresent column of record for the comics industry, "Fit to Print," each installment of which presenting cat's endearing, oddball vision of the world around her. Fans, then, will be happy to learn that cat is busily converting the entire run of "Fit to Print" to HTML. Some might argue these columns are ephemeral in quality, of passing interest once, but certainly not several years past their expiration dates. I would have to disagree; for who can deny the timeless relevance of yronwode's introduction of Eclipse's new production manager Rich Powers, back in the "Fit to Print" of February, 1992 (http://www.luckymojo.com/ftp408.html):

Rich is 5'9" tall, weighs 155 lbs, was born in the astrological sign of Pisces, and exhibits typical signs of male pattern baldness. He dresses conservatively, often in grey, and wears glasses to correct his myopia. His shoe size is 9.

ŠHis sex life is 'sporadic,' he has no pets, and he drives a 1972 Pontiac Ventura formerly owned by a woman who rarely drove it. He enjoys oil painting and bicycling, and he listens to reggae, ska, and pop music from New Zealand. His favourite animals are 'marine mammals, especially orcas,' and he dreams about them often. In one memorable dream he was swallowed by an orca and woke up immediately. He says that this dream led to 'about five years' worth of drawings' on the subject of orcas, the drawings accompanied by text about aggression in human beings.

He prefers Thai food to that of other ethnicities, but he does not know how to make Thai iced tea.

It's the simple things that make life worthwhile, and yronwode has not forgotten this valuable lesson. Until these essays can receive the full coffee-table treatment they deserve, the Web will have to do.

Happily, one can still find back issues of such Eclipse favorites as Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters and Naive Inter-dimensional Commando Koalas for sale on the site, but a visitor can also sense that yronwode's wandering spirit has somehow moved from those bygone days of comic book celebrity on to wrestle with greater, more spiritual concerns. The majority of her Web space is now, in fact, occupied by explorations into what some would deem "the fringe": tantric sex, sacred geometry, instructional guides for women interested in joining The Craft of Freemasonry, sales of amulets, charms, "hoodoo" oils, incense, ritual candles, "sachet powders" - truly, as she describes her own stock: "everything from penis amulets to mojo hands." Drop by, if you're in the neighborhood, and wish this eclipsed comics pioneer luck on her journeys beyond our materialistic plane.

2) HEART OF THE DREAMING
http://cello.qnet.com/~raven/

and

SANDMAN ATE MY BALLS
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dimension/8979/index.html

For better or worse, the work of English expatriate Neil Gaiman on his youth-angst fairytale Sandman has inspired a flurry of deeply-felt emotions in his often quite gothic comic-book fans. Two Internet sites, in particular, demonstrate how widely two melodramatic Gaimaniacs can vary in their reactions to the man's work while remaining essentially similar in their unredeemable lack of good taste.

"Heart of the Dreaming" is an admittedly ambitious attempt, an impressive struggle to create an electronic world inspired by Gaiman's fantasies. It's unfortunate, then, that the pages therein are dominated by the stench of pretentious, third-rate Tolkienism as filtered through a firehose spray of new-age fairy-angel crap.

To penetrate Gaiman's stronghold on the site, the reader must navigate a mystical path to "The Magician's Castle," slogging patiently through pages designed to simulate an epic journey (first past the "Lake of Nymphs," then through the "Meadow of the Mysts" - you may find yourself longing with each tantalizing step for those halcyon, acne-blemished days of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons) to Gaiman's Oz-like inner sanctum. Twee medieval music and dramatic animal sound effects accompany the reader on this mythic voyage, instilling a proper mood of awe, humility, and sweet anticipation at the imminent prospect of gaining privileged access to the "Dream King's" circle of electronic worship.

Finally, as you approach the gates of Gaiman central:

It looks inviting, but you've heard rumors that inside, dwells a powerful magician, who can weave tales of wonder. Some have even said that during the darkness of night, he's able to turn himself into a Gryphon. You tremble at the thought and after taking a deep breath, you try to decide if you would like to visit this magician.

If doing so requires kissing this much ass, you might want to reconsider.

"Sandman Ate My Balls," fortunately, is short and - dare I say it? - sweet. No fancy gimmicks here. This ain't the first "Ate My Balls" site, and it probably won't be the last, unless this cheap fad (reportedly begun by a "Mr. T Ate My Balls" page) has finally breathed its last. The formula, if you've missed it, consists of clipping pictures from your favorite piece of popular culture and drawing crude representations of testicles on them, adding captions and sometimes word balloons to theoretically amuse your friends. Basically, it's do-it-yourself fumetti on glue fumes - ten times dumber than your usual fumetti, which is saying a lot. The result is usually so shockingly stupid and sophomoric you simply have to laugh at the sheer crudity of the attempt, and the "Sandman Ate My Balls" page succeeds on this lowbrow score. Take as proof this single line of narrative: "Delirium dreams of a world of butterflies and balls."

1) THE ARCHIE-BOARD: "THE PLACE TO RAP ABOUT RIVERDALE"
http://comicoutpost.com/messageboard/debate/archie/

Could John Goldwater have known back in 1941 that the delightfully pep-injected adventures of his then-nascent Riverdale gang would be the cause for thoughtful, almost academic discussion of comics craft and reader-penned fiction some fifty-plus years into in the future? I doubt it. But here, in the bustling activity of the "Archie-Board," helmed by the mono-monikered monitor of memorable murmurings known as "Tracy" (his or her gender being left to reader imagination) that wild dream has become electric reality for Archie enthusiasts all over the world.

In an indignant message entitled "I have something that makes sence [sic] Tracy. All the main characters have a comic, and Reggie is a main character...where's his series??" for instance, a similarly sexually ambiguous Riverdale fan named Roxxy complains: